Hate is a strong word
On bullies and escape
October 22, 2025
Revised 3 Jan 2026, 24 Aug 2026
Read with care, the following is dark.
(Verse 1)
Hate. Not for a government, not for a war.
For one specific person. Nothing more.
The wish that they weren’t merely gone, or dead —
But that they’d never been. Not one word said.
To wipe the proof they ever drew a breath,
So the world could heal the wounds they left.
A lighter world, with that dead anchor gone.
A room where no one’s waiting up till dawn.
(Pre-Chorus)
Everyone is broken, everyone has flaws,
But you’re the only one who gives me pause.
The only one I’ve ever looked at hard
And seen a life that’s scarred, and scarred, and scarred
Beyond repair. I’ve counted them, each one.
Not the damage done — the damage never done:
(Chorus)
You didn’t fight. You didn’t even try.
They reached. You watched. You let them say goodbye.
I could forgive a monster — you weren’t one.
You just went numb and let them come undone.
(Verse 2)
And you can’t run from this voice in your head.
It shares your pillow. Sleeps in your own bed.
It lives inside you, knows you inside out.
It knows the thing you’d never say out loud.
It knows the thing I’d never say out loud.
You don’t fight back. You never even flinch.
You give it ground. You give it every inch.
It takes your secret hopes and makes a knife —
And you just stand there while it guts your life.
(Pre-Chorus)
Everyone is broken, everyone has flaws,
But you’re the only one who gives me pause.
The only one I’ve ever looked at hard
And seen a life that’s scarred, and scarred, and scarred
Beyond repair. I’ve counted them, each one.
Not the damage done — the damage never done:
(Chorus)
You didn’t fight. You didn’t even try.
They reached. You watched. You let them say goodbye.
I could forgive a monster — you weren’t one.
You just went numb and let them come undone.
(Breakdown I, whispered)
I want you gone. I want you gone. I want you gone.
Just for one day. Please.
(Breakdown II, screamed)
I want you gone. I want you gone. I want you gone.
So do I.
(Bridge)
I’ve whispered it at every empty wall.
There’s no one on the other side at all.
But in the mirror I just watch my own face sneer,
And my own mouth makes the answer loud and clear.
My lips are moving. I’m not saying this.
And every last defense inside me quits.
There are no sides left. There is no more fight.
Just one voice now, and it knows it was right.
The one I hate, the one I’d erase,
The one whose absence heals the world,
Is the one who answers to my name.
(Final Chorus)
I didn’t fight. I didn’t even try.
They reached. I watched. I let them say goodbye.
I could forgive a monster —
I’m not one.
I just went numb.
I just went numb.
I let them come undone.
(Outro, spoken)
Hate is a strong word.
This isn’t a cry for help. These are issues I dealt with a decade ago.
I think most people can imagine being bullied by someone who knows you well and follows you everywhere, all the time. I think this is a perfect metaphor for self hate. Expect that bully is you, and you believe everything they say.
Once upon a time I understood what one might do to escape such a bully. If you already understand this, I’m sorry.
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